im dead tired. i actually felt tired when im having supper with celine, jeremy and chester. i actually feel like stoning and just sleep there. first time got this kinda feeling outside.~ now when i reach home, im fine. haha.

SORRY CELINE FOR BEING LATE.
i know i have disappointed you somehow. maybe u will say oh nvm it's not my problem. but i still know somehow you are disappointed with me like this.
SORRY HEE! I PROMISE I TRY NOT TO BE LATE NEXT TIME. =D OKOK. NOT TO BE LATE =]

sometimes i just think that im too patient. easily bullied, or whatever. when i actually get angry with people, which is rare, or i feel so damn pek chek with them, i will just keep quiet and dont talk bout it. or just smile at it. is it im easily bullied? argh crap. or even if i get irritated by them, i just yeah, keep quiet. i wont say, "can u stop it?" or "oh shut up." i just continue to let them be and i just be there and let them do it. even if i did say that, in a nice way, and the person wants to try to start an argue with me, surely i'll just say forget it. i cant argue unless im thinking properly, which is rare too. those kinda serious arguements, i cant, unless it is those funny kinda arguements. damn. i just cant open my mouth to these people. i seriously cant do it. DAMN. or they will just continue it. i'll just let them be.

ahh.. my negative points. i cant start. i tried to change, to some small avail. =] but i think that's my limit liao. and dont tell me bout oh the limit is the sky n never stop trying and stuffs. i cant do it!


whatever. i wanna shout out.
i wanna cry. but i cant.

oh i cant say out my feelings too. to anybody. yah. I JUST CANT TALK! pissed. just realised i got alot of these kind of important "quality" which are negative. what can i do. i wana tell somebody about my problems. but somehow, they are all in me, i cant seem to tell anyone. not even celine. not even those im comfortable with ones, like jingying, weitin, weiling and joyce. i want to. those people i trust, i want to tell, i want to say, somehow nobody can make it or let me feel like saying to.

who can be the one that i can really start to say my all?
i feel so empty.
dont give me the spiritual stuffs. i know them all.
i just dont wana apply them.

i realised that coming into me is really tough.
opening up? no.
it's not just anybody that can come in.
and up to now, i found no one.

am i feeling really so small?
i feel so weak.
what am i feeling?
damn.

















im looking forward to.
if you know...
im sure u wont.
im thinking of you.